Well, I obviously knew that there would be a postponement in my fairy tale story with Jesse. He's the sweetest guy ever but both him and I are planning on serving missions. We've had to decide (more so he has had to decide..) that us spending so much time together and getting attached is not a good idea for either of us. He really wants to focus and prepare for his mission and I respect that. He's my best friend and we still get to hang out and see each other and talk...but no more cheesy cute poems like my last post. But that's alright.
So I know I haven't known him for very long....but if you haven't been able to tell I REALLY like him. We are so much alike, yet so different. He balances me where I am falling short (and visa versa). He brings out the desire in me to be better and to try harder. I could go into everything, but I'll leave it at that. Basically after I return home from my mission I plan to make plans to meet back up with him...and if there are still feelings, then maybe I'll get to date him then. :) It's been a little weird trying to find where I stand as a friend, and when I should and shouldn't talk to him and how to support him while staying back. The whole situation has actually made my stomach upset and come to find out, his has been too. Is that weird? I often have little desire to eat but have to make myself do so. But my stomach feels better when I'm with him. I don't know. It's craziness. Overall I really just like him and am happy he is in my life in someway or another :D
So as this year is progressing I feel like Satan is trying harder and harder to discourage me from a mission. He had practically succeeded back in January, but I rechanged my mind and I am going on a mission. No one is gonna stop me. However, I keep getting these thoughts that I'm not cut out for it, or that I'm not knowledgeable enough, or that I won't be able to remember the things I need to remember. When I sit down and actually think about this I know that the Lord will bring things to my remembrance if I am trying my best and remaining close to the Spirit. So many people have told me they think that I will be an amazing missionary--and I really hope they aren't lying to me, because that is what I'm leaning on right now. Anyway, I'm scared for the trials that lay waiting for me to deter me from my mission plans, and at the same time part of me is saying, BRING IT ON! I know I can handle it with the Lord's help and that it will make me stronger.
I love this gospel with all my heart, I know that it is true, and I know that Joseph Smith was called of God restore His church back to the Earth. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God and that Christ died for each of us and suffered for our sins. I know these because I have studied and prayed about them and I hope that each of you will take the time to do so too. :)
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